Pat Lencioni talks about developing trust and safety on a team. He says that “everyone’s got stuff” and that stuff is a part of who we are, and that impacts how we show up with our team and at work.
Most of us have concluded why it’s NOT good to talk about our personal challenges while at work, yet Pat suggests that we should and then explains how to do it safely with our colleagues and our team.
I know what you’re thinking – my workplace is the farthest thing from the safest place on earth for us to unpack our stuff with others! Yet, what would it be like if we could be more honest and open … with at least one safe person? And what might it look, and sound like for us to build vulnerability-based trust with our team who we work with almost daily?
Maybe we can start with being vulnerable in an effort to improve ourselves and to building stronger relationships whether with our team, our family or with our friends.
Vulnerability isn’t as scary as we’ve imagined it to be; it’s simply admitting our weaknesses, short-comings, or saying: “I need help” or “I’m not very good at this.” The most effective way to build trust is to be vulnerable and admit our mistakes which reveals our humanity to others. And then those around you won’t feel like you’re closed off and can admit to making mistakes instead of trying to be perfect or hide our errors. Of course no one wants to admit they were wrong or but what if instead we admitted to not meeting expectations and asking for help.
Here’s a first step in being real. Share something personal that helps others know more about you or admit when you need help. And don’t forget to ask others open-ended questions like:
- Where was your hometown, your worst job?
- What’s your greatest challenge or something that nobody else knows about you?
- What was it like in your home as a kid?
- What is something you struggle with the most?
Of course, if you spend time at the front of your team meetings getting to know each other better, you will be building a trust-based culture that values being candid with other, and that value can and will help you and your team when the work gets hard or very challenging.
A second step is creating a safe environment for others to share their stuff. We do that by first listening without interrupting, and it’s also not trying to fix them or their problem if they present one. Allowing them to feely share whatever’s on their mind is making space for others to keep sharing. Everyone wants to be heard and acknowledged. And whenever you accepting others, that in turn helps them to also hear you when you want to share some feedback with them.
