If you’re tired of constantly trying to keep everyone happy—even at the expense of your peace—you’re not alone.
People-pleasing doesn’t fade just because you know better or try harder. It changes when something deeper inside you begins to heal.
Like Jesus taught in the Parable of the Fig Tree (Luke 13:6–9), you don’t fix fruit by polishing the leaves—you heal the roots. In your heart, the real work isn’t about saying the right words or adjusting your tone.
It’s about strengthening what we call Core Character Traits — the foundational emotional abilities that shape how we relate to ourselves, others, and the world. They include Attachment, Separation, Integration, and Authority, and when strengthened, they drive healthy identity, boundaries, flourishing relationships, and decisive leadership. Click here to discover more about them.
People pleasing results from a weakness in Separation—your God-given ability to know who you are, what you want, how you are different, and where your boundaries are. This means giving yourself permission to:
- Know what you like (and don’t)
- Speak your mind
- Say no without guilt
- Be okay when someone isn’t pleased with you, or even angry or rejecting
- Feel your frustration—even your anger—without shame
- Take initiative in challenging situations
You don’t need more “good advice.” You need relational experiences with a safe person that heal what bad experiences once broke. You’ll need more than one—but every time it happens, the old voices grow dimmer and a little more freedom grows.
May this be your season of deeper healing. Find a safe person who can give you these kinds of new, relational experiences. Then you will begin not to be as pleasing to people, and finally become more of yourself.
Your Turn to Step Forward
You don’t have to stay stuck in the exhausting cycle of trying to make everyone happy. Freedom begins when you find a safe relationship and then permit yourself to show up as you—different, messy, honest, frustrated, and still fully loved.
Further Steps:
Take five minutes today and reflect on these questions in your journal or phone notes:
- Where in my life do I feel pressure to keep others happy?
- When was the last time I said “yes” when I wanted to say “no”?
- Who are the people I feel safest with—and how can I take steps to spend more time with them.
- If I don’t have a safe person, where can I start looking and take one step to reach out to someone for coffee.
Want Guidance as You Grow?
If you’re ready to experience the kind of relationship that helps rewire old scripts—where you’re seen, valued, and supported without needing to perform — visit the Makin Institute for NeuroChange and join one of our process groups, full of safe people who love to celebrate you being different from them. Apply here or email Bruce@MakinInstitute.com, one of our Founders.
Let’s begin the work of transformation—not through pressure, but through grace-filled relationships.
You were made for more than people-pleasing. Let’s uncover who you truly are.
