In the captivating pages of Atlas of the Heart, Brené Brown unveils two enigmatic emotions, Freudenfreude and Schadenfreude, that stem from the human tendency to compare ourselves with others. Freudenfreude allows us to celebrate the accomplishments and happiness of those around us, fostering a sense of community and empathy. Conversely, Schadenfreude reflects our competitive nature and insecurities, as it involves finding pleasure in others’ misfortunes or failures. It’s crucial to recognize these emotions as part of our human experience while striving to address their root causes within ourselves — and recognize that they offer an opportunity for personal growth and empathy that strengthens our relationships with others.
Schadenfreude vs. Freudenfreude
Schadenfreude is the satisfaction or relief we feel when a rival or someone we envy encounters a setback or failure. Brown contends that schadenfreude is a counter-empathic emotion, eliciting pleasure from the suffering of others. “While it is often mistaken for our sense of justice, Brown argues that it is important to differentiate schadenfreude from empathy for the aggrieved or victimized. To feel schadenfreude is not the same as holding a perpetrator accountable for their wrongdoing. As a trait, schadenfreude is entwined with narcissism, aggression, and anger. It is also borne out of fear and feelings of powerlessness.”[1] It’s linked to feelings of insecurity or competition. Schadenfreude may signify unresolved feelings of inadequacy or a desire for validation through comparison.
Conversely, have you ever felt a surge of joy when your friend got that promotion they’ve been working so hard for, or when your sibling won an award? If so, then you might have experienced the emotion known as freudenfreude—the delight we feel when others achieve success, find happiness, or experience good fortune. This authentic empathetic reaction plays a crucial role in deepening interpersonal connections and strengthening relationships.
2 Ways to Cultivate Freudenfreude
Brown says that freudenfreude can be cultivated by practicing two specific behaviors—shoy (sharing joy) and bragitude (showing gratitude for someone’s part in your successes). While shoy is showing active interest in another’s success by asking personal questions and actively listening, bragitude is expressing appreciation to someone whose support or success has contributed to your own.[2]
5 Ways Freudenfreude Enriches Our Relationships
Understanding the dynamics of these emotions and their roles in our interactions can be transformative for our relationships. Here’s how embracing freudenfreude over schadenfreude can level up and enrich our relationships:
Empathy and Support: Freudenfreude embodies genuine empathy. Celebrating others’ successes allows us to step into their shoes and share their joy and triumph. Freudenfreude fosters an environment of support and encouragement within relationships, creating a sense of unity and mutual celebration.
Positive Outlook and Growth Mindset: Choosing freudenfreude over schadenfreude helps to foster a positive outlook on life. By celebrating others’ achievements, we cultivate a growth mindset. It encourages us to see success not as a limited resource but as something all can attain, promoting a culture of collaboration rather than competition.
Cultivating Gratitude and Contentment: Embracing freudenfreude enables us to appreciate and be content with our lives. Instead of comparing ourselves negatively to others, we can learn to be grateful for what we have while genuinely celebrating the accomplishments of those around us.
Strengthening Relationships: The practice of experiencing joy in others’ happiness strengthens the bonds we share. It creates a positive cycle where celebrating others creates a reciprocal feeling, fostering a supportive and uplifting social circle.
Personal Growth and Emotional Intelligence: Choosing freudenfreude requires emotional intelligence and self-awareness. It prompts self-reflection and personal growth, encouraging individuals to manage and transcend their feelings of envy or competition.
In summary, freudenfreude and schadenfreude represent two sides of the same emotional coin. While schadenfreude can be a common response, consciously choosing freudenfreude allows us to build stronger connections and positively impacts our overall well-being.
If you’d like to experience more freudenfreude, we at the Makin Institute for NeuroChange can help; contact Gregg to schedule a talk.
[1] “Atlas of the Heart – Chapter 2 Summary” eNotes Publishing Ed. eNotes Editorial. eNotes.com, Inc. eNotes.com 11 Nov. 2023 <https://www.enotes.com/topics/atlas-heart/chapter-summaries/chapter-2-summary>
[2] “Atlas of the Heart – Chapter 2 Summary” eNotes Publishing Ed. eNotes Editorial. eNotes.com, Inc. eNotes.com 11 Nov. 2023 <https://www.enotes.com/topics/atlas-heart/chapter-summaries/chapter-2-summary>
